Thoughts on My Identity as a Mom

I don't know when it happens exactly, but a transformation takes place when becoming a mom. I say I don't know when it happens because I don't think it was at the time of Brandon's birth that it happened to me. Even before that when I was walking around with my big belly I had a sense of pride about who I was becoming. I enjoyed the pleasant smiles people would give me as they noticed my growing middle. People did not just see me; they saw me and my son. Despite the challenges and discomforts, I was proud to carry around my baby inside me. I loved feeling him move and knowing he was always there.

And now, I still enjoy going places with him. I love how people try to peer over the side of his car seat to get a glimpse of him. I am no longer just some woman in the check out line of the grocery store. I am a mom. My identity has changed, and it will forever be changed. The way others view me has changed, as has the way I view myself.

This all leads to the following quandary: What happens to my identity when I go out without Brandon? I have been out several times without him, both by myself and with Krzysztof. I got so used to having Brandon always with me - feeling him move during the pregnancy and more recently seeing him move and feeling him in my arms - that now it is strange to be without him, almost a little empty. When I am out without him, I feel like I want to yell to everyone around me that part of me is missing, that they are not seeing all of me, that they are not seeing who I really am. (I also feel like yelling that the reason that I have a little pooch for a belly is because I just gave birth 6 weeks ago, but that is another blog post...)

Don't get me wrong; my true identity is in Christ alone, and that has not changed. If anything it should grow stronger as I now have a taste of the great love God has for us as a parent. But my identity on this earth has forever been altered as all my experiences from here on out will be filtered through the lens called motherhood.